


Finish the Job

by TerryMcKay



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, What-if Challenge, with lots of angst and feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21723238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerryMcKay/pseuds/TerryMcKay
Summary: Andy Apsted did not shoot himself up on the roof of Pascoe House. Instead, he wants to finish the job.Part of the LavenderBudd Fic Exchange.
Relationships: David Budd & Julia Montague, David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 53
Kudos: 120
Collections: LavenderBudd Fic Exchange





	1. Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CardboardCoPilot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CardboardCoPilot/gifts).



> The three things you would like in a fic were: angst, feels, drama
> 
> The three things you would not like in a fic: pregnant Julia, alternate universe, porn with no plot
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! I certainly had fun writing it. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for feedback. :)

Her whimpers and screams were still ringing in David’s ears as he charged up the stairs of Pascoe House, desperate to put an end to the havoc this psycho had created. The sound of gunshots still rent in the air and reverberated in his ears when David had climbed yet another floor, a little closer to the culprit. The pull to be with her was almost too powerful. But he could not do that and the only way he could do his job and protect her was to stop this madness. 

The look of a petrified Julia Montague, coated with blood, crouching down in the back of the car, trembling, would forever be ingrained in his brain. Much like all the images of sand, blood and fire. 

Having reached the rooftop, at last, with adrenaline pounding through him. David gripped his weapon so fiercely that for a moment, he felt like he was back in the trenches of Afghanistan. But no matter how much he felt his senses had reached a new level, a near deafening silence filled the air. Gone was the sound of gunfire, of people shouting, of Julia screaming and of utter chaos. The place was almost eerily vacant, quite as if nothing had happened at all. 

There was no one there. David turned around helplessly, desperate to find any clue as to where the shooter could have gone to or who he was in the first place. But there was absolutely nothing. No one was there but him and voices of fellow policemen dashing upstairs at last. A curse escaped him. He felt absolutely numb. Again, he had not been able to protect her. Once again, he was a failure. 

The scene back down on the street, with people running around like headless chickens and Kim ushering the Home Secretary into a police car presented itself as almost surreal. How had this been possible? There he was, with no proof, no evidence as to who had shot at them, who had been so full of rage. And why. His sheer endless list of questions toppled out, one after the other. 

“How do you reckon she’d feel… if she got a taste… Suffering the consequences…”

Andy’s words from the other night suddenly echoed in his mind and made fun of him like an ugly clown on a fair. He had listened to the words back then, had understood where Andy and fellow soldiers had come from, all of who regarded the Home Secretary as an unnecessary evil. 

Yet having gotten to know her, seeing glimpses of her personality peeking through the cool, steely exterior, had somewhat softened him towards her. David would never admit it to anyone, but he did not find her unattractive at all. 

Quite on the contrary. She had an almost ethereal, yet sexy beauty about her. She sometimes even weaved herself into his dreams. He usually woke up stiff and basked in sweat. It wasn’t the kind of dream he otherwise had, of detonating bombs and debris. All of that had put her into a different perspective. 

Would it be entirely possible that this had been his former colleague’s doing? No, it could not be. Andy usually was full of talk, but never went through with his actions. He had seen it often enough in the past. Still, the gnawing feeling of unease remained, even as he tried to banish the thought from his mind, as he eventually made his way back downstairs. 

The next time the Pascoe House shooting came up, was when he was called to said woman who haunted his dreams and had feared for her life only hours prior. When he arrived, she looked, unlike anything he had gotten to know her and most definitely different from his dreams. She sat on a couch, small and vulnerable, hair still wet and unkempt, trembling and seeking his warmth, affection and protection. So, the inevitable had happened at last. The constant simmer of their sexual tension boiled over that night and nothing would ever be the same again.

From that moment on, they played with fire. It was dangerous, but also oh-so thrilling and sexy. She was sexy and so much more than he could have ever expected. There was a softness and a rare clarity and openness to her. Julia did not just entice with her body, but also with her sharp mind. The art of listening was one she had truly mastered. He saw how the wheels in her head turned, whenever he told her about himself. It was almost addictive. Though he did have to admit, she was rather stunning. And those warm eyes that would always light up whenever she saw him.

It was on one of those early mornings, with the sun still below the horizon, when all David could hear, beside her levelled breathing and the rustling of the bedsheets was the steady patter of rain upon the windows. From the looks of it, it would be a bleak and dreary day. It was his day off and he would be able to see his children and pick them up from school. This was the only good thing about it. Sure, it was nice to be able to do as he pleased, but he would not around Julia the whole time, would not be able to protect her. 

As if she read his mind, she studied him curiously.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

He considered her question for a moment, whether he should open up about his emotional attachment to her just yet. While she looked at him with those warm brown eyes, he opted against it. Instead, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his.

Julia reciprocated his kiss with a tenderness, she would only show around him. Never had he seen her show a shred of softness around anyone else. Fairness and consideration, yes. Softness and vulnerability? No. 

At that moment David knew that it was more than mere emotional attachment. That moment underneath the bedsheets, he knew he had fallen for her. The conservative, unyielding politician, the one woman he had sworn to hate all those years ago as she looked like all the other self-righteous MPs and cabinet ministers. Yet there he was. 

“Mmm,” Julia had drawn back from him ever so slightly, drawing random patterns on his scar tissue, as soft curls fell into her face. Anyone else would have been scared away by the ugly look of it. Not she. Julia always seemed to seek out his scars to map them. Her fingers danced slowly, but deliberately further south. David observed her, his breathing becoming increasingly more laboured the closer Julia’s fingers got to her ultimate goal. 

“Julia,” he groaned warningly, “we can’t, not now.”

At that Julia merely scowled playfully, but did not stop with her ministrations. She ventured even further towards his cock, a slight smirk had now replaced the initial scowl. Just as she had finally wrapped her fingers around him, which elicited a gasp from David, her phone vibrated and Julia jerked around, cursing under her breath, leaving David in a situation. The moment was gone and he knew he would have to take care of himself later. 

“Shit,” Julia mumbled as she disentangled herself from the bedsheets.

David cleared his throat, in an attempt to get some control over his body once again. “Anything the matter?”

“Roger,” Julia rolled her eyes and finally scrambled out of bed and made her way towards the bathroom.

Roger. That usually sufficed any further explanation. David sighed and got out of bed himself, leaving towards his own bathroom, knowing full well the moment was gone and it was back to reality.

A little while later, with Julia looking prim and proper, armoured in her dark-blue suit, she exuded an air of greatness. Still, there was more to her than just that. Something was bothering her.

“What are your plans for today?” she asked, at last, fumbling with her second earring as David entered her living room again, pulling up the zipper of his jacket. 

Seeing him in anything else but his suit, was still a little foreign to her, but Julia liked the look of it. It made the whole thing seem even more daring, even more unlikely and definitely a whole lot riskier. The clash of the different worlds that represented them was so much more apparent with this kind of attire. At the same time, his change of dress meant, he would not be in her world and that made it all seem bleak, cold and just that much more unsafe. Before she had met him before he had turned her world upside down and before everything happened that led them to where they were today, she would not have thought twice whether she would trust anyone. The simple answer would have been: she didn’t. The only person she had ever trusted, was herself. No one else. Now he was there, she trusted him with her life and everything in it. He had seen her at her weakest, at her most vulnerable and had accepted her, had protected her. Whenever she woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, when everything was pitch dark around her and she had once again dreamed of the shooter finishing his job, he was there for her. Whether he slept in her bed that night or not. He was there. 

The slight tentativeness, she was unable to keep out of her voice, gave her away. She simply did not feel safe without him, which was ridiculous. No one was more aware of that than Julia herself. David, too, needed his day off, do whatever he pleased to do. 

Julia’s effort at appearing collected and casual, yet failing miserably, did not go unnoticed by David. He dropped his arms and looked at her curiously and then slowly made his way towards her, the urge to comfort her too great. He curled his hand around her hips and brushed his lips against hers once again. Soft, comforting. His other hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressed her cheek as their breaths mingled. Finally, he felt her body loosen, relax somewhat. He pulled back, at last, so he was able to look into her eyes that still hadn’t lost their insecurity entirely. 

“Nothing much, catch up on paperwork, pick up the kids from school and debate with them on what kind of dinner they want,” strictly speaking that was not the entire truth. Andy had texted him and asked him if he would want to meet up with him in the pub for a pint. David had been wary at first. It was not unusual for them to not see each other for several months until they would meet again. It had been a few weeks until he had last met him for a pint in that very pub. All alarm bells had been ringing and yet the police officer in him had been too curious, so he had agreed. 

Julia seemed satisfied with the answer. She nodded and gave him another quick peck, before she turned around, at last, getting ready to be picked up by Kim. 

“I think, you’d better make yourself scarce, before anyone sees you here,” after a moment’s pause, she added a question that made her sound even weaker than she felt and she hated herself for it, “when do you think you will be back tonight?”

“Hard to say, but I guess it should be past 10 after I brought the kids to bed and made my way back to the hotel.”

Another nod. At that moment someone - Kim, undoubtedly - knocked at the door to give the Home Secretary the sign that everything was ready for her. She exited the room without looking back.

David heard the familiar, “Good morning,” he was usually greeted with as a PPO, albeit a little more muffled as he had retreated to his own room and waited for the air to clear before he could make his way to meet his former comrade. 


	2. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday again!
> 
> David meets Andy and well.... see for yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and the feedback. It's much appreciated!

David was early. Much too early, in fact, and Andy was still nowhere to be seen. They had agreed to meet at around 11 and according to his phone, it was  merely 10.45 am. 

Under any other circumstances - that was any time before Julia - he would be nursing his first pint by now. But that was then and this was now, the times of mindlessly drinking away his sorrows and drowning his thoughts in alcohol were a thing of the past.

It was weird. He’d only been with her for a couple of weeks, but he hadn’t had the urge to drink himself unconscious anymore. Quite the contrary, he had started working out more regularly again to be fitter and healthier. Sure, he’d still have a beer or two, but it was by far not as excessive as it had once been. It was good. He felt more stable, less moody and much less anxious. Even his children had picked up on that and seemed happier, though they did not know why Daddy seemed to be in a better place all of a sudden. 

Besides, he still had to pick up his children from school. One beer would not have done much harm, but he simply had no urge to drink. So, he ordered a water, feeling slightly weird while doing so, as this was a pub after all and now he was waiting rather anxiously. 

He did not know where that anxiety came from ;  all David knew was that he had an odd feeling about the whole thing. It was almost  like a premonition of  something unfortunate about to be  happening , which was really ridiculous. It was just a meeting with an old mate in a pub. 

David took out his phone, for the umpteenth time checking  for any new messages, not to mention the time :  10.50 am. He sighed and was just about to let the phone slip back into his jacket pocket when he saw it light up and felt it vibrate in his hands.

> “I hope you’re enjoying your day off. Roger unloaded a shitload of work on me. You ’d better prepare something nice and relaxing for tonight. - J.”

David couldn’t suppress a small smile and began typing. “How does Chinese and a certain physical activity sound?”

“What’s up, mate?” 

David had just hit send when he heard a male voice behind him and then felt a clapping on his shoulder. Trying to keep his panic at bay, he quickly let his phone slip into the pocket, hoping that Andy hadn’t peeked at the screen. He usually was rather nosy if you let him be, but deciphering a message from someone else’s phone was really rather improbable, at least that’s what David tried to tell himself as his heart hammered in his chest and his face felt hot. 

David mumbled his hello, managing to keep up his stoicism or so he thought, as Andy made to sit down next to him. 

“Everything alright?” Andy looked at him curiously as David finally looked up from his glass, with an air of nonchalance. 

“Aye,” he replied dryly, wanting to move on from the uncomfortable moment, before adding , “ What about you?” as an afterthought  in an attempt to divert Andy and get him back on the track to find out the original intention of their meet-up at last and not have it turn into an interrogation about himself. 

“Same old… you’re drinking… water?” Andy had not picked up on David’s subtle attempt to steer the conversation into a different direction. Instead, he had now spotted David’s choice of drink. 

“Gotta pick up the kids later and go in for work to do some paperwork,” David vaguely commented, not really wanting to delve further into the subject. He was getting increasingly aggravated that his former comrade kept him from more important things. David bit the inside of his mouth before clenching his teeth, keeping in his frustration to not lash out and make himself look even more suspicious. 

Andy seemed to finally have accepted David’s explanation for he nodded and took a sip of his own pint. There was an awkward silence. Neither he nor David seemed to know how to take the next step. So both took another sip of their drinks while absentmindedly looking at the television placed at the other side of the room. It was world news, nothing of importance, as David thought. 

Even though he was spending a lot of time with a politician now, he still did not care much about politics. To him, it was still just a jumble of words with no real meaning behind them. Still mainly a bunch of people who had no idea about real life and real problems, but still boasted with big words and decisions that had an impact on likes like himself. 

At long last, David averted his gaze and looked back at Andy who was still transfixed to the screen. 

“So, what brings you here…,” David asked when Andy still made no attempt to disclose on why they were here. Just then, something caught his eye. It was Julia on the telly and David’s head whipped back around.

“…’ I called upon my parliamentary colleagues and passed my strengthened Regulation of Investigatory Powers Bill’....”

“Are you still working for that bitch?”

Contrary to David’s instinct to punch Andy, he kept his gaze glued to the screen, his body involuntarily  stiffening . He didn’t trust his eyes or his face at the moment and the man next to him knew him well enough to know when something was not quite right. 

The “aye” came out rather coldly and less emotionally detached than he would have wanted it to. This did not go unnoticed by Andy who was by now looking at him more peculiarly than ever. David felt it. He felt the man’s gaze burning him, almost felt the onslaught of questions. But nothing came. Instead, the occasional clinking of glasses and the babbling of the TV in the background that was breaking the silence was almost deafening to him. He felt like he had to do something. 

So he tried again and paraphrased his previous question after clearing his throat. His voice sounded distant as if he heard himself talk from other the end of a tunnel, though he found he did a rather good job for someone who suddenly felt like he was being put on the stand. 

“Her…,” Andy spat at last, “this sanctimonious bitch. She is worse than the rest of them. Exploiting her situation, when she should have been stopped… for good. But nope. There she is, still saying shit like this, trying to surpass the big boys, pretending to be so clever... cunt. You realize what she is doing? She is taking away all of our rights of privacy, while she sleeps safe and sound, probably with one of her lot… maybe even the PM to get a better spot at the table, not giving a shit…”

By now Andy had talked himself into a rage and didn’t notice David’s strange expression, as he finally looked at the former soldier. He blocked out all the insults he hurled at Julia. Only when Andy called Julia a cunt, David flinched involuntarily and immediately cursed himself for it. If he continued  to be so blatantly obvious about it all, there wouldn’t be much to hide anymore. For  one fragment of a second, David even thought that Andy  was looking at him somewhat strangely. But he passed it off as a figment of his imagination. 

“What do you mean, ‘she should have been stopped for good’?” David picked up on Andy’s initial comment after a moment’s pause. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve softened towards her? You and I both know that whoever did this was in to kill her and he should have. We’d be much better off without her.”

Not acknowledging Andy’s thoughts, David’s instincts flared up and made him stop right in his tracks and yet very cautious at the same time. Something in the way Andy had just expressed himself made him wary. The police officer in him almost yelled at him, telling him there was more to this than met the eye, while the side of him that was still friends with him told him not to read too much into all of this anger. Still, he needed to know now if his suspicions were right in any capacity. 

“Do you know anything about the gunman who attacked us?”

“What do you mean ‘us’ ? The attack was directed at her, not you , wasn’t it ? ”

He couldn’t help it, but David felt increasingly uncomfortable. The way Andy was acting and looking at him, the way he was talking and the way his body language seemed to speak volumes, and not in a good way, suggested Andy knew who the gunman was. Could he have been the gunman after all? It was hard to tell as Andy was keeping his cards close to the chest. They didn’t seem to be getting anywhere with this – in fact, he did not just feel as if Andy looked right through him, but also that he was at a dead end and wasting his time. 

He took the last gulp of his water and set down  the empty glass. “Look, I need to dash, my kids ’ll  be waiting for me if I stay here any longer.  Sorry .”

It was a feeble attempt and a lame excuse, albeit half-true, but he hoped to get away from him, to finally get out of the pub. He needed to breathe again. Andy’s stare and his stony face almost sucked the air out of the room. The faster he got out, the better. 

Andy nodded at last and mumbled his understanding and David was finally able to bid his goodbye before Andy noticed how hot David felt and that beads of sweat were slowly beginning to form on his forehead and neck.

A breath he had been holding the entirety of the time he had been in that dingy little room escaped David at last as the cold November air hit his face. Some of the tension left his body and he made his way to the car. 

Just as he  had expected, his kids and their trouble at school, the quarrels they ’d  had at school and their general ramblings, their choice for lunch included, proved to be the best remedy to get his mind off the rather unpleasant meeting.

By the time Vicky picked up Ella and Charlie, he had almost repressed those memories. Of course, the minute he made his way across London to the Blackwood Hotel, they were back in full force. It was as if during the time he had spent with his kids the thoughts had doubled, if not tripled. What had that meeting been about? Why had Andy wanted to talk to him and why hadn’t he come forward with whatever it had been? Had he been hoping for David to join him? Did he merely want information? The one question he had yet almost didn’t dare ask himself as it was almost too risky, too outrageous, if Andy hadn’t picked up on him and Julia after all. David worried. 

He should have been cooler around Andy, let him just talk about her and chime in even. It would have made things much easier, more convincing than it seemed now. Even the idea of Andy of all people knowing about them incited a terror in him that surpassed the Pascoe House shooting by miles. 

That  was how he arrived at the Blackwood. Preoccupied, worrying and lost in his thoughts that had begun to send him down a spiral and threatened to take control over his entire body, petrify it. 

He had almost sneaked into his room and now he sat on his bed, with his first beer of the day ,  a much-needed one. As he felt the cool liquid run down his throat, he didn’t notice how the door opened and Julia  was standing in the doorway , observing him.

“Is everything alright?” Julia jarred him out of his thoughts at last. By now she was used to having the adjoining door to his room ajar, he would only spend as much time in there as he really had to. So when she’d heard him enter and he had not appeared in her room as per usual, she had known that something must be wrong. Quietly, she had made her way to his room. With all the lights out, her eyes had to adjust to the darkness firstbefore she could make him out. He was sitting on the bed, not reacting in the slightest as she took yet another step further into the room.

It was quite a small room compared to her big hotel  suite . In fact, this must have been the first time she was inside his room. She could not make out in the darkness but at the moment it seemed cold and devoid of any emotion;  not like the suite. Perhaps it felt more homey  because  she and David spent every single minute they  had in it and had  had  made it their little humble abode, even if it was merely a hotel room.

Still miles away, her movements had stirred him out of his reverie at last . H e finally looked up at her without really seeing her – his  mind was still  racing  and the beer wasn’t doing anything to  ease his mind . 

“David?”

This did the trick, eventually his eyes focused on her and the thoughts ghosting through his mind were pushed to the backbench. They were finally not as prominent anymore. She was. Julia stood there, in his room, looking at him in a mix of curiosity and concern. 

“It’s… nothing….,” he had finally gotten up and was now taking slow yet deliberate steps towards her. He had absolutely no desire to talk now, all he wanted was to forget, just for a bit; to not have to think about his potential fuck-up. Just for a bit he did no want to overthink everything he had and hadn’t said and henceforth entered dangerous territory.

Julia. She was the only person who could put a stop to this, with her words or her body. But he didn’t want words now.

Julia saw the troubled face, David knew. He became increasingly aware that he was beginning to lose his stoic touch. She had literally unlocked a side in him he hadn’t known he had. He was open around her, less worried about what she might think as she just took him for who he was, never judged or reprimanded him. It had felt nearly outlandish to be himself around a person and not be chided for it. But eventually had gotten used to it and he felt increasingly safe around her. So, she could read him pretty well by now, judging by the fact that they had only known each other for a couple of weeks. The whole thing was crazy, really.

She looked at him worriedly, tilting her head ever so slightly as he moved towards her l ike a hunter who had found his prey. Just with the difference that she was no prey to be caught. The slow steps and the burning look of his eyes, however, disabled her from moving even an inch. 

The room was dark apart from the stream of light that was coming from  hers . His scent had disabled her from doing anything but wanting him, even if the reasonable part of her still tried to fight  for the upper hand. 

“David, what’s the m-,” her query was drowned in a moan as his lips brushed hers, hotly, fervently, pulling her close to him, spinning her around to walk her back towards his bed, never stopping with his ministrations. At that moment, he had seduced her senses, all the while he was alternating between caressing her cheek, dancing across her skin and pulling at her clothes. 

“David,” she gasped as he had finally found the zip of her slacks and now had his hands in her knickers, touching her, needing to feel her.

Electricity shot through Julia, just like it always did whenever David touched her. Sometimes even a glance was enough for her to feel the electricity in her skin, for her hormones to shut down her brain and the sensible part of herself, only for her wild, animal self to rise. 

As she finally bumped at his bed, she lost balance and fell backwards onto it with a little shriek and pulled him down with her. The little fit of giggles was quickly replaced by a series of sloppy kisses as he climbed on top of her.

Even as they impatiently removed each other’s clothes, which were ultimately scattered to the four winds, tongues were dancing, fingers caressing each other’s skin, moaning, gasping, pulling at each other’s hair, while they moved in sync with each other. 

They became one, with one mind and one sole purpose, completely and utterly obsessed and in love with each other. She never wanted to let go of him again, wanted to keep him inside herself forever. A final cry escaped her lips and  was drowned by David’s mouth as he was still aware of the guards outside. He released her lips with a gasp only seconds later, as he followed her down the rabbit hole. 

Heavy breathing filled the air, as David moved to the side of her, afraid to crush her with his weight. For the moment his mind was blissfully empty, there was absolutely nothing but the aftermath of their lovemaking, her scent and his attempt to get control over his body again.

Julia immediately scooped over to him and draped an arm over his chest, while nestling into his side, seeking his warmth again. She sighed contentedly, completely satiated and with no desire to say even one word. 

It had been quite a rough day for her. Her anxiety levels had risen a few notches as David had not been around. But all of that seemed distant now and whatever it was that was troubling David, there would be another time to find out. For now, she was just glad that she had him back. 

“Shit, the food,” David suddenly murmured just above his breath, only now realizing that  he had been the one responsible for the food. He ’d  promised her Chinese after all.

At that, she only breathed one of her typical “Mmm”s, but made no attempt to say anything else. Instead, she pulled herself even closer to him, daring him to get up now, leave the sanctuary of their warm bed and leave her cold and alone.

As if to reassure her that there was nothing to worry about, he started raking his fingers through her hair, letting her  it tickle the skin of his fingers. He loved that feeling , it  was oddly soothing. 

Soon, the only thing David heard was her even breathing and knew that she had fallen asleep. He wasn’t quite as lucky \- he  felt his tiredness in every bone of his body, crushing him with its weight, draining him of his remaining energy. Yet, the thoughts and memories from earlier slithered through him like a worm,  keeping him awake. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad ,  perhaps Andy had not picked up on it. He ’d  never been the brightest penny in the box. Those were the three affirmations he kept repeating in his mind like a mantra. Eventually, it seemed to do the trick and he fell into an uneasy slumber, being the big spoon to Julia and with her scent dulling his senses. 

It was as if David had merely closed his eyes only minutes before when he awoke with a start to the short vibrating sound of his phone. It was still dark outside, suggesting a peacefulness, he wished he felt, too. 

The sheets around him felt soft and warm with Julia beside him. His head ached and there was a buzzing in his brain, with his battery on an ultimate low of five per cent. Yet, as if shaken awake by an invisible hand to some emergency, his heart beat fast, as he slowly and carefully turned around  so as not to rouse Julia to get a glimpse at who had sent him a text that early in the day. 

4.31 am. David bit back a groan and then he saw it. For a second he wondered if it would all just go away if he turned off his phone and ignored the text, tried to go back to sleep and would hopefully awake to a better reality.

> “Andy: 4.29 am: I can’t believe you sold out. Well, have fun with her and at work, while you still can, ate-up*. We’re done.”

Adrenaline flooded his system. If he’d thought his heart was beating fast before, it most definitely felt as if it might burst any moment now . His breaths were ragged and harsh as fear prickled down his neck and his back like ice-cold water as he kept staring at the screen of his phone, unaware of how bright it really was. 

Panic and fear had taken control of his body. For a moment he didn’t know if he should run and try to salvage the damage now or if he should try and calm down first, think about this rationally. He took a deep, steadying breath. There had to be a way to save the situation. Somehow. There always was  a way . By now he ’d  been clenching his teeth so much h e feared he might break them. But before he could do anything, he heard a soft voice, still thick with sleep.

“David, what’s the matter?… Talk to me,” unable to keep the concern out of her voice, she sat up to be able to look him properly. When he still wouldn’t reply and still kept staring at his phone, she repeated his name, barely above a whisper. She didn’t want to pry and look at what was scaring him so much, so she hoped repeating his name would do the trick.

Still paralyzed with fear, David finally looked down into her brown, worried eyes and tried to speak. But no proper sound would come out; it was like his voice had been numbed and instead, he was only able to croak. David cleared his throat and tried again:

“I think we might be in trouble.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * (Military Jargon) Ate-Up – Describes a servicemember who follows regulations so closely that they disregard the context of the situation. Conversely, may describe a servicemember who doesn't understand regulations at all.


	3. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Craddock tell him after she summoned him to her office?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all your comments. I know I haven't been able to reply to all of them yet, but it´s been a stressful week. But I will get back to them. :)
> 
> Happy Holidays!

“David, thanks for coming in at short notice. Have a seat,“ he hated those words. No matter who said them, they always meant trouble. With a grave look on her face and her inability to look at him, she was only making him even more anxious than he’d already been. He nodded his thanks, not fully trusting his voice just yet and sat down while attempting to stay professional. His breathing was still quite shallow but as she made her way around him to lean on her desk in front of him, he managed to win his little fight against his nerves as she continued.

“Unfortunately, this was something that couldn’t wait.” David waited with bated breath, turning the words he had prepared over and over in his head, rethinking the perfect response. It was all he had been doing this morning, despite Julia’s attempt to stay calm and calm him. To say nothing if possible, before she knew more about the matter herself and had informed her PR manager to soften the ramifications of their affair if it actually got out and Andy was stupid enough to say anything to anyone else. 

To David’s amazement, she had not lost control, blamed him or given him the cold shoulder. She had looked at him for a long moment after she had finally squeezed all the information out of him and very rationally and calmly explained what the best way to go on would be. The slight tremor in her hand and the insecurity in her voice, however, showed that she was not as confident as she tried to present herself as. 

In her mind, Julia figured that if she was calm and poised, she would be able to prevent him from panicking and do something potentially stupid. Pretending to feel in control of things was anything but easy, however. Her mind had raced and forming even a remotely sensible thought was almost an achievement. The only thing that saved her was her years of training in the public eye that should never see the emotional and private Julia. It had been difficult for her, as David knew the private Julia quite well by now, but when he had given her a nod after she told him to just stay put, she had sighed in relief.

David pried his thoughts away from Julia’s attempt to help him stay calm when her eyes had said something entirely different, and instead tried to focus on the woman sitting in front of him.

“Um, I’ve received an extremely serious allegation regarding unprofessional intimacy between you and the Home Secretary.” 

There it was. She had dropped the bombshell and left him to deal with it, react to it. Her voice bore nothing but professionalism, yet there was curiosity to it, maybe even a trace of accusation, simmering right beneath the surface. That triggered defiance in David. She had no place in accusing him of anything. There was no doubt that it was not professional, he gave her that, but she could keep the rest of her preconception and her biased opinion on Julia and him. So, he stared back at her, impassively, bordering on obstination. 

“Who’s making this allegation?” Craddock still remained leaned against her desk, still fighting him in a silent battle with their eyes and then she averted her gaze. “I am not at liberty to say.”

For a moment he wondered if he should just let it pass, play along, do what Julia told him to and just do nothing, but something in the defiant look she gave him, let David lose some of his cool. He needed to know more, needed to tickle some more information out of her and still try and protect Julia and him. So, he flared up and almost instantly regretted his choice and tone of words. 

“They allege something is going on in private. I can’t see how there’s any evidence. In which you can -“ but Craddock cut him off. She had finally lost the pretence of professionalism and was now openly condemning him, he felt.

“David, is it true?” Craddock asked incredulously, waiting for an answer. He knew if he gave her one, he could kiss his job goodbye and Julia would be hunted down by the press, the nation and her colleagues alike. 

“Ma’am, you have to caution me if my answer might incriminate me,” he evaded, still trying to hold her gaze. But he was wavering, losing his touch. 

“Don’t quote the regs at me, David! Are you seriously fucking the Home Secretary?” By now, Craddock’s voice had lost its calm. She was now standing in front of him, her hands on her hips. “Just keep it in your pants. You aren’t just fucking her, you are fucking a whole reputation.”

David tried not to flinch at her harsh words, yet did not succeed. It had never been about “fucking”. It had always been more. Craddock had noticed his reaction and looked at him for a moment, her head tilted. 

“Look, I don’t give a shit if you are merely shagging her or if you think there is more. Fact is, that you fucked up.... and you left me to deal with your mess.”

For a moment David failed to understand the meaning of Craddock’s words. He had been certain he had been sacked after he had lost control over his emotions after all. So, he just stared at her, wondering if her words really meant what he thought they did.

“No offence, ma’am, but what do you mean?”

“What, I mean, David, is that I will try to keep this problem between us, treat it as an internal issue… for now. That does not mean, however, that you are off the hook. You’re in deep trouble. But for now, you can piss off… and for the love of God, stop shagging the Home Secretary.”

David merely nodded but didn’t immediately get up, still too confused. Meanwhile, Craddock had turned around and sat down on her desk chair, at last, intently looking down on a paper on her desk. When she noticed that David hadn’t budged, she looked up again.

“I said, piss off.”

Her harsh send-off was underlined with an impatient look and the drumming of her ballpen on the wooden desk. Somehow, the whole thing seemed too random, almost as it had all been designed before his commanding officer had presented him with the cold, cruel facts. He could not put the finger on it just yet, it was just a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he felt uneasy about the whole thing. Granted, he always felt uneasy whenever he was asked to come into her office. But this now felt particularly strange.

“With all due respect, ma’am… but what is going to happen now?”

She looked at him for a heartbeat, as if assessing him and ultimately replied, with forced politeness. 

“Nothing, you keep your end of the bargain and keep up with your weekly reports… this shouldn’t be as difficult, now that you’ve gained the Home Secretary’s trust, at least one good thing emerged out of that mess and I will try and find out more about that anonymous tip and find a way to silence him… the rest, I am sure, even you can make out… Now, if you don’t mind, I have to clean up your mess... Get out!”

If David had hoped that any further explanation from his superior would soothe his nerves, he had been sadly mistaken. If anything, he was even more alarmed now. Something in the way she had said and worded it, had made his skin crawl. Even Craddock should know, that still having him spy on Julia, was more than just dangerous. If she found out, she would wreak havoc and would definitely leave no stone unturned to find out who had been responsible and make sure it was the last thing she would ever do in their respective careers. Not that he had offered Craddock or Sampson much information anyway. Spying on Julia went against anything he believed in and it was unlawful. So, he had been trying to ignore the requests as best as he could. Still, the idea of Craddock not letting him off the hook didn’t just make him suspicious and angry. 

It also evoked a sense of dread and claustrophobia in him. He felt trapped in a situation he had had no desire to be in the first place. How he would ever get out of it unscathed with his relationship with Julia still intact, was beyond him now. He had hoped the whole thing would just fizzle out, they would see that there was nothing to learn and they would stop trading the safety of his family for valued information on Julia. 

For now, however, there was nothing more he could do. He looked at her for a moment, observed her, before quickly mumbling “ma’am” and exiting the room swiftly. She was back to reading the sheet she had been reading before or perhaps pretending to read it, for he could not help but get the feeling that this whole thing was bogus. 

While David made his way to his desk, absorbed in his thoughts, processing what had just transpired and what do now, as he surely was not going to listen to her order of being the mole any longer, Julia sat in her glass box she called her office, with her mind on anything but on work. In her preoccupation, she had nearly agreed to another appalling date with Rob, who had waltzed into her office earlier that morning, doe-eyed and fully convinced of the idea that having dinner at this new fancy place in town would help Julia destress and recharge before they could venture down new roads with another bill she was currently working on. Initially, she had replied with a “Whatever you think is right” much to Rob’s astonishment. His face had lit up like the Christmas lights on Regent Street and subsequently, he had dashed back to his own office to make the final arrangements in his plan to woe the woman of his dreams. Only an hour later, as Roger had barked down down the phone as to when she had planned to show up to their meeting, did it dawn on Julia what she had agreed to earlier and crushed the love-sick puppy’s plans as she made haste to get to her meeting with Roger. 

Surely it could not be that difficult to let her know how David’s meeting with his superior had gone. He must know she would want to know, she had to know what to tell her PR manager after all. She had scheduled to meet him later in the day and was on pins and needles about the whole ordeal and it was merely 10 am. One thing, she had thought of, no matter the outcome of that one-on-one was that David’s days as her PPO probably numbered. She had fought with the thought all morning and kept pushing it back, hoping for some other solution to come up. But no other rational way came to mind. So, as her new driver Tony weaved the ministerial car through London traffic, Julia reluctantly and heavy-heartedly decided to present David with the verdict of her thoughts later that day. 

Almost as if Tony had sensed she was done mulling over the problem, the car came to a halt and Kim opened the door for her. Her “Ma’am” was almost instantaneously drowned in a shower of accusations as Roger had taken on himself to welcome her with his presence as she stepped out of the car stony-faced. 

“Who do you think you are, Julia? I have been waiting for you for over half-a-fucking hour! If your job is overexerting you already, let me know. I have a replacement in no time for you that is more than fit for the job.”

“Come off it, Roger, I have been waiting for you to come for far longer than that!” Julia snapped aggravatedly. She was more than fed up with Roger’s continuous attempts to assert his superiority. Roger’s furious face contorted as Julia spoke the words. The meaning was in no way lost to him, but before he could retaliate, Kim now interrupted the shooting of daggers.

“Ma’am, for security reasons, I’d prefer if you moved indoors.”

Roger averted his gaze at that and now looked at Kim and gave her a curious expression, as if he saw her for the first time. 

“Where’d your Scottish plod? Was he tired of working for an unbearable hag such as you?” he gave his ex-wife a sideward glance, not wanting to miss the reaction he thought he’d rise out of her. Without missing a beat, he turned towards Kim again and snarled at her, “As for you, I am the fucking Chief Whip, wind your neck in. You do as I say.”

It took everything in Julia not to bite back, to tell him just how close she and David had gotten. It would not only be completely careless but also completely unrewarding. Instead, she took a deep breath, rolled her eyes at him and pinned him down with her glare.

“I’d much rather get to the point than spend my day with you out here,” and with that, she followed Kim inside.

To say the remainder of the meeting was anything but rosy, put it mildly. It was less productive than rather a fight for dominance. Neither of the two wanted to back down and when Julia eventually left, his office even more irritated than before she had entered the blasted building. 

“Lavender outbound,” she heard Kim mutter into her radio as her car started moving, creating a much-needed distance between her and Roger. How she had ever been able to be with him was beyond her now. Nowadays, she thought of him almost every waking minute. It was easy enough when he was there, right in front of her, protecting her, distracting her from more pressing matters than how lean he looked in his suit. 

With a start, Julia was back to reality. This would soon be a thing of the past. Throwing a glance at Tony and Kim in front, she took out the phone from her coat pocket to message him at last, when she saw that David had beat her to the punch.

“Had the talk with Craddock. She knows. All is under control. Talk later. - D.”

Julia stared at her screen for a second, a myriad of questions and objections coming to mind as she reread the text. If this had been David’s attempt to relieve her mind of that issue, he had failed on a grand scale. If anything, he had gotten her even more concerned and as she could not call him now, she was once again left alone with her thoughts. Those did not always prove to be the best company. Masking her worry as best as she could, she buried herself in her papers, not looking up once as Tony drove her back to her office, where Rob would undoubtedly make himself scarce after the embarrassing incident and her PR manager would be waiting for her.

David had carefully worded his text, trying his best not to give away too much in case someone else picked up his message, too, while not worrying her too much. The lack of a response did not make him so sure if he had entirely succeeded. But it would have to do for now. 

He had just seen how Louise Rayburn crossed the corridor, clearly on her way back to her office, investigating the Pascoe House shooting, when he had a brainwave and sprinted after her.

“Louise, hold up!” Her colleague, ever the suspicious kind, turned around and looked at him inquiringly. “Do you have a minute?”

“Not really, we may be on to something. Can it wait?”

“No, it’s about Thornton Circus. I’ll walk with you,” that had piqued Louise’s interest and looked at him in a mix of mistrust and curiosity. For some reason, he had had a hard time convincing her that he really had not seen anybody up on Pascoe House. She had asked him time and again, even after he had been questioned. Only when CCTV confirmed his statements, she had reluctantly let go of him.

So, told her about his hunch with Andy, about his weird behaviour and their even more peculiar meeting in the pub yesterday, about the text he had received in the early hours of the day, averting the true reason for that and who he had been with when he had gotten said text. She listened to him and it became evident that the wheels in her head had started turning and she tried to put him into the theory she had had in mind so far. It all made sense, told him she would immediately take up this line of inquiry and promised him to keep him updated on the matter.

Just as she had turned the handle of her office door, David stopped her once again. He was not sure if this was completely foolhardy or heroic, but he had to give it a shot. 

“I tell you this in strictest confidence, but Craddock just called me to her office about a matter she wanted to talk to me about and I could not help but get the feeling that she might be in on it, too, you know…,” he knew the questions would come flying at him, but he had to keep it general and evasive. If Louise only got the slightest idea of what was going on between Julia and him, it would mean the end for both of them. 

“What do you mean,” she asked warily.

“I can’t put my finger on it, it’s just a hunch, but the way she said it, made it seem that she knows Andy somehow, is in on it… It’s the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you just know something’s up.”

There it was, his answer. He hoped she would swallow it and not inquire even further. She had just opened her mouth to continue her interrogation when David heard Deepak Sharma’s voice from behind that door. Never had he been so grateful to his colleague than he was that very moment. If Sharma ever came up and needed a favour, he would do it, no matter what it would be. With the promise to have a closer look into the matter, Louise finally bid David good-bye and disappeared behind the wooden door. 

David heaved a sigh of relief and turned around to make his way back to his desk, not quite sure if he felt satisfied, even confident about the way things had progressed or if he felt merely lucky to have emerged unscathed for this whole thing could just as well have backfired right into his face and have made things infinitely worse. 

For the first time since being up at Pascoe House and meeting Andy in the pub, did he feel somewhat more positive. The future looked slightly less grim. Perhaps Louise would be able to unravel some of the mysteries around this whole attack, he had failed to do so with the little means he had. Besides, Louise was like a bloodhound going after the scent once she had smelled it and would not let go until she had found what she was looking for. With that thought in mind, even the mountain of paperwork that had accumulated over the weeks and was more than overdue did not seem as dire to David.

______________________________________

David was the first one to be in their room at the Blackwood Hotel that night, going over the next week’s rota after he had kept his promise and had stopped by at Vicky’s house, so Ella could use him as an audience for her book presentation that was due the next day. He had a hard time keeping his focus on his actual work with her new schedule he had been presented with as he had just clocked out of work, more than ready to see her infuriatingly beautiful face, hear that impossible soft voice rattle on about Rob, Roger or some other colleague and learn how her meeting with her PR manager had gone. 

When Julia had peeked her head around the corner to let him know that she was back at last and done with her work and he heard her coo to him, everything else but her seemed trivial and unimportant and he engulfed her in a much-needed hug. 

Julia breathed him in, he had obviously showered before she had gotten in, so he smelled deliciously of soap and home, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She instantly had to fight the urge to snuggle into his warmth and his touch, become pudding in his arms, with her stomach fluttering at his body pressed to hers, as all rational thinking left her body. 

After indulging in it for a moment, she put her palms to his chest and pushed herself away from him and looked up as he tilted his head wondering why she looked so sombre, unsure almost. She threw him a nervous glance and focused on the topmost button of his shirt. It would be now or never, tiptoeing around a subject had never helped anyone. 

“I met with Thomas O’Donnell today, my PR manager. I tried to be quite evasive about the whole matter. You never know who hears about those things. He has a plan just in case anything or anyone exposes us, but…,” she trailed off, thinking of how to word it, so he wouldn’t get the wrong end of the stick, “You being my PPO makes this more difficult anyway. It’s for the best that changes.”

She let out a shuddering breath as she gave the attempt of a nod. The words were out. She had hated them, being the one to decide on their future, without consulting him first and quite unsure of his reaction to it. Only now, did Julia cast another glance at him, holding her breath entirely. His entire expression became stony, hurt even and he stepped back, leaving her longing for the safety of his arms. 

He looked at her almost coldly for a long moment, before he drew in his breath and was ready to turn around, grab his jacket and leave the room, with her in it, confused and hurt. 

Julia was not quite sure if she wanted to wince or roll her eyes at him. She had dreaded telling him of her decision for that very reason, his damn sensitivity, always thinking of himself as not worthy enough, being sulky and offended so quickly. It was maddening. Sometimes she just wanted to shake him, tell him to stop this. If he at least asked her why. 

Before she could ponder any longer over his sensitivity, he had made a beeline to the chair where his coat was. 

“David,” she panted weakly as she grabbed his hand to stop him from going anywhere. Talking about feelings had never been her strong suit, not even David had been able to change that. If she had to look into those crystal-blue eyes, she knew her voice would constrict and she would not be able to utter a single word of what she had intended to say, what she had carefully laid out before and planned on saying on her way to the hotel. “I want you right beside me… not because it’s your job, but because it’s our choice. I have fallen in love with you, David Budd. Imagining a life without you is impossible. Yet, you can’t remain as my PPO, you do understand that.” 

Her heart was hammering in her chest, ready to jump out. She was afraid to look him in the eye, afraid of what she might see there. Still, she looked up to him, needing to see if that was it now. 

David just looked at her in wonderment. There he was with one of the most powerful women in the country, someone who never lost her composure, who was always in control of thing and yet, she was anything but the cold, calculated politician. Her voice had been trembling as she had uttered the words and she had grabbed onto his hand for dear life. He had little doubt that he was the only person she was as emotional with. Something that almost blew his mind, made him unable to think of anything but “kiss her” was that she - Julia Montague of all people - was the one who loved him, who reciprocated his feelings and wanted to be with him. No matter the consequences. 

So, he did the only thing he could think of and kissed her as he cradled her face with his hands and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. They were lost in each other almost instantly, forgetting about the world around them. Once again, they had fallen into his bed as their heads were filled with nothing but the need to be as close to each other as it was humanly possible. 

The next few days passed in a flurry. David had told Julia about his meeting with Craddock, about his hope that Andy might get arrested for attempting to get her killed thanks to Louise Rayburn. Julia had been apprehensive at first, worrying someone might find out after all and expose them, before she had the chance to relieve him of his duties as PPO. As David reassured her that it was all going to work out, she had tried to trust him. A storm was coming for them but if there was a way to keep it at a minimum, she would fight for it. David was in it just as much as she was, with those words in mind she had to give him a final nod. It would all be fine.

On the third day after she had inevitably brought their relationship to a new level, she finally told him that she has requested a new PPO. He had gotten Craddock’s call almost immediately after Julia had broken the news to him.

“David, my office, tomorrow, 8 am,” his commanding officer had snarled into the phone, leaving no room for doubt that this was not going as she had wanted it to. But what was she to do? Fire him? She had no grounds for that. In fact, she did not even have proof that he had done anything wrong, that he had indeed slept with Julia. So, what was she to do? She also couldn’t fire him because she hadn’t delivered the information she had hoped for. It hadn’t been lawful to ask him to spy on the Home Secretary in the first place, so again, there was nothing she could do but glower at him and give him a shitty assignment. That he could live with. 

\----------------------------------

Chipper wasn’t a word he would use for his frame of mind when entering work said morning, but he didn’t have that dark cumulus cloud hanging over his head anymore. He had almost hummed along “All I Want for Christmas Is You” as he had driven to work that morning. Adding to this state of mind was a text he had gotten from Louise, asking him to drop by as she had some news she wanted to share with him. She had sounded rather positive. There really was nothing that could ruin his mood, not even a furious Lorraine Craddock. 

As predicted, Craddock acted like a piqued bull terrier, asking him “what the fuck they were thinking” when he entered her office. She had not offered him to sit either, so he endured the shower of fury standing quite close to the door, ready to leave at any given point. 

“We had a deal,” she hissed, at last, piercing him with an angry look. 

“No offence, ma’am, but that was your deal, not mine. I never agreed to it in the first place,” he offered as an answer. That incensed her even. She looked at him incredulously, before getting up, to stand in front of him. 

“Well, in that case, you leave me no other choice but to report you…,” she said, in an attempt to prove her superiority.

“With all due respect, I don’t see how? There is no proof.” There was no proof and Craddock knew it. At his point, David had had her whirl accusations at him, abusing her position. He continued, trying his best to remain calm and composed. “As you said earlier, it’s not just my reputation you would tarnish, it would be the reputation of us all, of the whole department, yours included if you exposed this piece of news to the world with no proof.”

1:0 for David. He had won the match. His boss seethed but could do nothing about it, she barked a cold “Piss off”, he answered with a nod and left her office.

Theoretically, there was nothing Craddock could do about it now, her behaviour still was quite off and he was almost certain that she was in cahoots with Andy. She simply must be. She had behaved like a bull in a china shop than an actual superior who was on top of things. Only people who feared losing, behaved in the way she had. 

Merely half an hour later his suspicions were as good as confirmed. Louise had spent almost every waking hour, collecting evidence, going after this new line of inquiry, finding a whole network of people that were behind the sniper attack. She hadn’t identified the head of the network yet and any other members, but it was certain that Andy had been the culprit. CCTV had him on tape, and there was enough evidence to have him locked up for the next several years.

“We have him arrested as we speak,” Louise continued almost triumphantly, as she showed him her vision board and all the evidence she had been able to gather thanks to his hunch. 

“Fuck me, you’ve been busy, have you slept at all?” He had been positive that she had some lead with the text she had sent him, but not that she had left no stone unturned and made out nearly the entire network. 

Louise chose to ignore her remark and told him that she would let him know the minute she had interrogated Andy and found out more. It was evident to David that this was to point to leave as she was already staring into her laptop again, typing away furiously.

The only worry he had was that Andy might blab about him and Julia. But how credible would such an accusation be as you just got arrested for attempted murder? That thought consoled his nerves as he left her office to get back to the Home Office. He still had a few days left as Julia’s PPO and he was not too mad about it. He always loved watching her, loved making her squirm as he stared at her intently. It would certainly be an adjustment not seeing her all day long, but he loved the prospect of not having to hide anymore. Besides, they seemed to have dodged the bullet for now. 

Later that week, he had finally delivered on his promise to bring Chinese for dinner. Julia had had a particularly long day, quite a successful one and was starving. Rob, had once again offered to take her out to dinner, which she had politely declined, wondering just how thick this man could be. She assumed that once news got out about her and David, he would either drown himself or resign. At the moment, she didn’t know which one she preferred. The only thing she now wanted was food and David. In that particular order. 

An added bonus was that tonight would be the first night, she could spend in her own flat again with David, as her partner and not her PPO anymore for it had been his last day yesterday. She assumed that even Scotland Yard and the Security Service was not so cold-hearted as to let her spend Christmas in a hotel, but in her actual home. 

So, it was the image of pure bliss, when David turned up later that night, carrying a big paper bag with delicious-smelling food. 

"I got more than just Chinese," David procured a branch of mistletoe from behind his back. "It's not Christmas yet, but nearly. Whatever happens tomorrow, almost Merry Christmas"

With that, he held the branch over their heads. Julia looked at him warily for a moment, but not quite able to bite back the smile that had bubbled up inside of her at the notion and leaned in for the kiss. Yes, this had been a perfect choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be posted weekly on Sundays with the final chapter being posted on December 22. :)


End file.
